look no pants
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I want to be your penis for a week.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
