i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
