4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
