Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
