Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
