exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
