spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
