too bad you live with your parents still
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
