He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
