Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize