my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
