drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
