Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
