In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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