how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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