I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
