I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
