just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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