the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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