he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
