I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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