Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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