walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
