i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
