Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
