No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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