if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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