Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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