did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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