Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
