Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have fence marks all over my body
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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