the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
