I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
zippers are such a cool invention
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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