oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
