I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I FOUND THE LEGS
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
