I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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