just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
