Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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