Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
