He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
