If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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