For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
