Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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