The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
