I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize