She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
