Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
