Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
