I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
