Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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