So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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