That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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