pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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