i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
