just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
