i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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