I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
