I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
