I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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