I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
