My first STD was from a foam party
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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