blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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