you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
