i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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