...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
