So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize