Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
