He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
