i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I forget how to act sober
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
