Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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