Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
