the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I yelled at your uterus for you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
