I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
