YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize