I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
