tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
