So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize