I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
