I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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