I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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