i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
