After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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