so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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