2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
