his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
God, I missed his penis.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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