When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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