It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize