I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
