NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
