shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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