waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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