Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I smell stomach acid.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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