so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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