So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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