if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize