Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
