It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
