I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
