I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
