She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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