Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
