I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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