toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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