I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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