I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
