How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
